After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
3pm strippers are depressing
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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