I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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