I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
