there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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