Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
