Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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