So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
