In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
