i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
