he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
