I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
And then my night got REAL pukey
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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