I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
