be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
