Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I want a musical about memes.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
