Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize