i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
