Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We had to coat check the pizza.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
