When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
