I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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