Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
