Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
