I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
