and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Two words: blizzard sex
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
