I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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