if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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