I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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