i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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