Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
