Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
