I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
