This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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