i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
