take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
