i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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