im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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