I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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