haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
