New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
