Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
