PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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