I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
