Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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