the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Randomize
