I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
