Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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