I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
