Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
