Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
