Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
All the doctor said was why
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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