My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
they're like a gay fantastic four
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
