If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
