at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
