i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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