Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
