He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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