Apparently you make a good broom.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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