Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
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