I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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