i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
