Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
