I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
