I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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