Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
So many bounce houses so little time
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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