I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
