I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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