yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
