if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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