I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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