It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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