Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
