I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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