i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
