Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
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