I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Are we still banned from the library?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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