And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
