How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
